Well… What a smashing week this week was going to be. Holiday in Bude, Cornwall, booked, 5 days of relaxation and chillaxing.
Yeah, right.
Here’s how it went!
Monday morning, I was looking through some stuff in the car and found my MOT Certificate, being the person I am, I opened it and saw it expired the Friday before. Dammit, I never wanted to scream so much in my life.
Monday morning still, I call Enterprise Rentals and get myself a hire car. It turns up, it’s a new ‘10’ plated Golf. Smashing I thought to myself, in we all got and I shot down to Cornwall… The best time of day to travel was when I was on the road, not another car in sight for miles as all the reps were repping and the stereotypical receptionist doing her makeup at 45mph in lane three of the M25 was being a receptionist behind a desk. It was bliss.
Arriving in Bideford, an old haunt of mine, I took the high road to the top of the town so I could browse the usual shops. Bad idea, the 14% hill which I could easily scale in my little 1.3 Maestro completely thwarted the Golf and it stalled. Bear in mind, it’s an Automatic. So, I restarted it and carried on. It stalled again, this time going down hill at 22%!! I nigh on tore the handbrake off the floor of the car as the engine stalling caused complete loss of braking!
On arriving in Bude after nearly mowing down many people in Bideford, we were presented with the keys for our Caravan. In we went, unpacked and I turned in for the night as the drive down had nigh on killed me. Waking up at 6am to a freezing caravan isn’t funny, and when it’s warmer outside than it is in, you know it aint cricket!
Heating on and fixed, I went for my morning paper, and a cigarette in the car (Don’t tell enterprise… Or my mother!) on the way. Upon arriving back, a jumped up little twat of a security guard stopped me by walking in front of my car and told me that I was driving too fast. The speed limit was 5mph and should be obeyed. I explained to him that my speedo doesn’t register 5mph and doesn’t read until 10mph.
He told me to stop being insolent and slow down. I swiftly reported him to the SIA for not having an SIA License and being threatening (Which he was) and that was that. No, it wasn’t… Same thing happened every day… Chip on his shoulder or what!? He watched me eat breakfast, dinner and tea in the cafe on site and was a right weirdo.
Upon leaving to come home after a fun packed week, I attempted badly, to mow him down after dropping the keys off. It was just a little protest really, but I wasn’t having it.
Noom Noom failed his MOT on a track rod end and a rear coil spring being broken. All sorted, £120. I took the Golf back to enterprise and hurled the keys at the representive in there to exclaim my fury.
He told me to e-mail head office about the ‘Killer Golf’ and sent me on my way £128 lighter.
Getting into NoomNoom was so much nicer… A little less economical and noisier, it was the best feeling in the world.
That’s this week in a nutshell!
Jim
